Thoughts Into Actions

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A great mentor of mine once told me “My Thoughts Are My Prayers.” A statement strong enough to separate one whole ball of stubborness into 3 identifiable pieces of energy. I’m not a religious person, I find many resources, both personal and spiritual from people of all faiths, with or without religion or God or whatever you want to call it. I had reached a point in my life where my daily routine consisted of sleeping until 3pm, eating Advil for breakfast, and googling symptoms for heart attacks… which I seemed to have at least 3 times a day. I had moved into a new place with a new lifestyle and I seemed to have a taste to fill my space up with all kinds of worries and fears that would ultimately lead me into the scariest isolation I have ever experienced. Anxiety had set my house ablaze and I was presented with two options.. The infamous Fight OR Flight. I’m allergic to confrontation, it tends to give me a rash, mild gas and a headache, so I chose the latter. And A very very fearful Flight it was. How was I to escape from this fear if I was taking it with me as my 1 personal item to stow/cram in my already cramped foot room area?!? That’s where this mentor comes in.. he could have easily been the stinky sweaty dude in the middle seat taking up both arm rest, speaking in “cringe-worthy” bumper sticker talk. “You really think your only options are Fight or Flight?” he said snidely. “There is always a third option, but it’s not gonna be the one you want to hear.” SURRENDER! He had my attention… You mean… let go???... How?! What if I am actually having that heart attack now and ignore the symptoms, what if I don’t control everything, what if I wind up a failure, what if (insert millennial existential crisis here).. Yadda yadda yadda. “Surrender all of that and fall into the fear. A New Freedom is on the other side.” I don’t know why I listened to this man but I am very thankful I did. Before this conversation, I was just a hungry, angry, lonely, tired monster. Now it's not so much this way. My mind, body and spirit are now very separate and require their own unique maintenance and care. When done correctly, they work in harmony with each other and I become much more efficient. Meditation has greatly improved my quality of life along with spiritual daily practices that help establish healthy rooted habits. I use fear now as a gauge or a compass and practice this surrender stuff daily. I have found this “New Freedom” that man spoke of and I am forever grateful to know serenity and peace. There’s no more dying inside. In fact, this is paradise.